THE SCARY EYES OF ALEX MURDAUGH

HOW TO AVOID KILLERS IN YOUR DAY-TO-DAY

Yeesh, what a mug! But look! It’s those Scary Eyes! Scary Eyes that do murder! Look at those eyes! Really look! Cuz I want you pals to be safe out there.

Okay, now give your poor non-Scary Eyes a break.

I’m sorry I made you do that but it’s for your own good. I actually just did a medical treatment on you. You’ve now internalized Scary Eyes. You’re welcome. No Charge.

You see, I trained your brain to recognize Scary Eyes in the wild. Now you’re that much more powerful. It’s like in the Matrix. You’re all a bunch of Neos destroying the elf guy from Lord of the Rings, no problem.

Now when you’re out in the world at a deserted gas station, or you’re at brunch and there’s a downstairs bathroom, or you’re about to get married, say, and you see a Scary Eyes person, your memory of this blog post will pop up in your head and you’ll say that Zit Farmer warned me of something… Then you’ll know you just have to hold it in or excuse yourself to your entire family and do runaway bride/groom. I don’t know about the gas station scenario. Never run out of gas. Have an electric car. Just anything. Get away from Scary Eyes!

Here’s a very helpful illustration

See the Scary Eyes come in different forms even.

I get Scary Vibes from people who show too much white above their iris.

Then there’s killer eyes. Pupils a little dilated. Brows arched. Yikes. Run.

And then if someone is just covered in blood already and have bloody eyes, they are not too concerned with your safety. They’re living at a whole other level. Nope to them, sorry.

I hope I have saved quite a few lives today.

If you have any further tips, please comment below. We can finally get a handle on Scary Eyes for good.