Medical Tourism is the Fifth Horseperson of the Apocalypse

AM I RIGHT?

Why are there no cheap butt lifts or lip plumpers in America? Like, what is so hard about this? You can get your ears pierced at the mall. We’ve all had our noses scraped for three years by not exactly scientists. So what gives, America? Can we get some priorities?

Same with medication. People risking their lives to get life-saving pills.

People go all the way to Costa Rica for cheap dentistry. Not like just veneers but like profound surgeries so their teeth don’t rot their heads off their necks and roll into your lap! They’re thinking of you, gd, America!

In fact, a lot of these cosmetic procedures are for you, jerk! Why we gotta look so good for you all the time? When can that just stop? What about what’s inside, huh? My teeth are weird but I got a lotta heart, America. But I feel like you can’t even see past my roots that are growing in and my greasy skin because yes, I ate french fries, America and now I guess I’ll have to go on a medical tour and get lipo on bomb littered beach.

And if they had more time to write the bible, there would have been a fifth horseperson of the apocalypse, and their name woulda been Medical Tourism Jones. So I’m blaming America. But also the bible. And horses.

Have you ever gone anywhere and had things done to you?

I once had a massage and the masseuse asked if I was pregnant but I was just fat. So I said NO. Then I felt sad.

Once I had a cold in Munich and trying to find the right medicine was just impossible. It’s like the long medical words met the crazy long words of German and I was like maybe I’ll get the krankeskaltesparacetamolzen!?

I hope you all are well and if not, you are not forced into unsafe medical situations. Bless you all!! XO