IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!-

Let's talk about caves...

Caves! They’re down there, right below our feet. Earth’s pre-fab sub-level apartments. Clogged with bats and bones. Non-cocaine bears having longgg siestas. Primitive art on the walls. Caves, why you so great?

I have this book about caves (pic below). There’s all kinds of caves. Water caves, ice caves, rock caves. I don’t know how I feel about going down that rope to get into one. But I do like the helmet with the light.

Isn’t it weird—we used to live in caves! In China, 40 million people still do! Too fun! I like the idea of being in a cave and then oh look, a tunnel into another cave! Also, on the outside, it just looks like some rocks, but haha, inside is my whole family. We’re eating some foraged fruit and playing with sightless rats.

Oh, yes, scary things happen in caves. Like those kids who got trapped in the caves in Thailand. And scary Elon Musk was going to save them!

If you’ve seen that movie, “The Descent”, you might consider there’s something else living down in those caves. And that’s probably true. I’m sure there’s a whole other world going on down there. There’s gotta be pale, blind mole people doing mole people office jobs and having mole people romances. But if you want to visit the caves you have to accept the mole people customs. Let the mole people set the tone!

There’s like, 45000 caves in the USA but I have never been in one. NOT ONE! This has got to change. Maybe this will be my year? The closest cave is in Central Park, allegedly. But I bet if I just got a shovel I could find one around. They’re literally everywhere!

I make little caves in my life to hide in, ie. I stuck a desk in my closet and I call it my Cloffice. But I think really it’s a cave. I pull a curtain across the opening and play with the sightless rats and obey the mole people in my mind.